So it’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted here. Since I’ve written a blog post, period. (April 4, 2018 to be exact, ya’ll.)
A lot has happened in those 4 months. Specifically—summer.
Summer is full of trips, packing, unpacking, dancing, sunshine, outdoor fun things, SWIMMING, river days, late-night laughs, etc. Basically, my fave time of the year. Yeah, I love fall and its oversized sweaters; winter wonderlands and Christmas movies/music; spring baby animals and fresh air.
But summer is my favorite. Now, don’t come after me with a baseball bat—OH YEAH! THAT’S ANOTHER FAVE SUMMER THING: BASEBALL GAMES—if I write a post later on about how fall, winter or spring is my fave season. m-kay?
But as much as I wish I could say every second, minute, hour, day, of summer is all sunshine and giggles, it’s not. There’s ups and downs. Family dysfunctionality. Rainy day off vibes. Oh, no there’s only a handful of hometown pool days left! thoughts. Just two-ish more months of river days! thoughts. Everyday life with wrenches thrown in unexpectedly.
Then there’s me. Cleo. Just watching from dawn till dusk (mkay, maybe not that early or late) watching folks around me. Their habits. Their lives. Their families. Their quirks. Their eyes. Their laughter. Their hair. Them. I pay attention to people. Maybe that’s one reason I’m a writer? I like taking people form life, disguising them a bit and putting them as characters in my story.
There’s that and then there’s the things I watch and then ponder. Why do people need alcohol, caffeine and drugs to function? Why are those things even publicized so flourishingly? Why do we need each others approval to love ourselves. Why, why, why? There are endless whys. Why can’t one post something because they’re afraid it won’t gain the attention they want. Why can’t one post whatever they wish and are passionate about without wondering profusely what others will think? Yeah, social media is great—but sometimes it’s toooooo overwhelmingly publicized.
As I get older, I realize more and more what our world is. And some may say it’s a dark, scary place with bad things that happen. Yeah, there are some dark, scary, bad things that happen. Some that touch me on a more personal level, some that don’t.
But it’s also a place where we can be what we wanna be. You wanna be an artist? Go for it. You wanna get married and be a mom (or a dad)? Go for it. You wanna be a barista? Go for it. You wanna be a writer? Heck ya, sister! Can we write together? Hehe.
I am getting my share of firsts this year. For instance: driving. I got my learner’s permit this summer. That’s new! A whole new experience and responsibility added to my life. Going outside the wake—back and forth constantly—while water-skiing? Yeah, that’s hecka new and I’m still feeling the muscles I apparently just learned I had from it.
But, as I grow older, I also learn that soaking up moments is the best thing. Soaking up time with family, dysfunctional or not; time driving; time writing; time in the sun; time. That’s what we revolve around. Time.
I may never understand why one needs alcohol to enjoy a party; I may never understand why my dog’s paws twitch while she sleeps; I may never understand why time seems to go by so fast even when you slow down; I may never understand why, why, why.
But I do understand my heart. More and more everyday do I understand my heart. When it tells me to apologize to someone. When it says go for it, girl! When it wonders why I made that goofy mistake. When it tells me to be me. When it says be you and let others be them (which is kinda maybe like the last sentence…)
Ultimately, none of us have this Life thing down to a tee (board game and golf reference in one sentence hahaha) but we’re doing our best. And years down the road with my kids, grandkids, great grandkids, I want to look back on my life and be happy and content. I want to say I have minimal regrets and say that everything happens for a reason; to laugh and look at pictures with whomever and describe the off-the-wall silliness going on in that picture.
Basically, I wanna live life. Who’s with me?
p.s. my grandpa got a smartphone. how darn cool and hilariously cute is that?!